Janine's Project Question #2

2. What steps have you already engaged in to prepare your family for the arrival of the new baby?

We have been talking seriously about doing this for the last two years. We decided to include the three older children in the discussion. They all seemed to like the idea of having a baby sister from the start, especially Audrey who has been throwing pennies into fountains and wishing for a baby sister since February of 2001 (at the winter Olympics in Salt Lake!) We needed to be sure, however, that they understood somewhat the additional considerations that an international adoption merits. Let's face it, with 4 kids already welcoming another child into the family has become almost old hat for most of them! This time though, she won't come from mommy's tummy and she won't look like them. We already know our children to be extremely tolerant and appreciative of diversity of all kinds. In fact, they just don't see it so we tried to bring it to their attention by showing them asian babies in public (discreetly I hope) and telling them that is what their sister may look like. No complaints were made. In fact, they think that asian babies are adorable. Audrey asked for the asian Cabbage Patch Doll for her birthday last April and named her Meili Grace (name for our new baby until Matt revealed that he can't stand it!) She has been practicing caring for her and sharing with her and teaching her about what it means to live in a family. When I asked Audrey what she would tell her sister about the fact that she was born somewhere else she said, "I'll just tell her that I was born somewhere else too because we live in Arizona and I was born in Utah." I realize that this could mean that she just doesn't get it yet but it also means that she has not formed any negative associations with people who are different and I take that as a good sign. Taylor is less eager about a new sibling than Audrey who is of course over the moon so Taylor would have a hard time topping her. I put myself in his position which is easy because I was the oldest and remember anticipating the arrival of child number five (which was you!) I remember thinking, "Okay, here we go again..." We are considering taking Taylor to China with us so that he can have that experience in common with her. We hope that it will help with their bonding and it will also be nice for our baby to have someone else that can tell her the story of how she came to our family. Noah and Xander take turns sitting in my lap as I get my "China Adoption Fix" by checking into adoption websites. I have shown them pictures of "China babies" as Noah calls them as well as pictures that depict aspects of the process. Noah asks questions which gives me an opportunity to have discussions with him. I am always cleaning my computer screen because Xander likes to kiss the babies that he sees there.

We have of course checked out books about China and adoption from the library and purchased a few. These are great discussion starters. Our kids have also seen an edited version of "China's Lost Girls" and love to watch "Big Bird in China." The kids have enjoyed learning about Chinese culture and I anticipate that they will have no problems welcoming their Chinese sister and her culture into our family.

We have discussed the fact that we will become what has been referred to as a "conspicuous family." It will be obvious that our family is different and believe it our not perfect strangers will have plenty to say about this both positive and negative. We have talked somewhat about possible scenarios that may occur and what appropriate responses may be. Before Matt and I attended a China Adoption Workshop sponsored by our agency last Spring, I thought that ignoring or telling people off when they were nosy and negative would be an appropriate response to those situations. I don't really care what other people think about the way we have chosen to expand our family but our daughter will be watching and it will be her eduation as to possible ways for her to deal with inquisitions which she is sure to face on her own probably throughout her life. So, instead of just ripping someone a new one, I may choose to take some of these opportunities as a way to educate people about international adoption. Afterall, some people may be legitimately curious because they toom might be thinking about China Adoption as an option for themselves. Othertimes humor or a "non-answer" might be appropriate.