Crappy Week

Uncle Steve-with the boys in Sabino Canyon-March 2006

Papa Brown singing "Jimmy Cracked Corn" with Taylor in July of 1999

Last Monday, we found out that Matt's Uncle Steve killed himself. We knew that he struggled with depression, but never thought that it would come to this. My first reaction was shock, a semblance of which still remains. Next was the anger-what a selfish, crappy thing to do to your family! When does shooting yourself in the head become a better alternative than seeing a doctor and getting some treatment?? Why the hell did he even own a gun???? and my favorite-Thanks (not) for putting us in a postition to have to tell our children about the concept of suicide, not as an abstract, but as the sad reality that came to someone that they dearly loved. It plain sucked and I'm sure that there are credible arguments for why we should have told them something, anything else. Believe me, we thought about it but in the end we knew that they would learn the truth someday anyhow and we didn't want them to look back and realize that we had been anything but honest with them. It was a sobering peek into what the future will hold when we attempt to explain to Meili the circumstances surrounding her beginnings. Sometimes the truth sucks nuts.

Now, we are just trying to remember the good times and there are many. Matt has a whole childhood filled with them. Steve never married or had children of his own but was 'adopted' by Matt and his siblings and cousins. Our kids remember that Uncle Steve helped to build the playset that they enjoy daily and I won't forget that he got my grandma out on the dance floor at her birthday party a few years back.

Matt went to CA for a memorial service and took Xander along with him for some company and a much needed diversion. The night before he was to come home, the call came that his grandfather was not expected to make it through the night. He passed away the next day. We are preparing to travel, as a family this time, to CA next week for a funeral while his grandmother's health seems to be failing as well. Not a good week to be a Bouton...