I Surrender.

Something has happened in the last week or two. Something good. I feel a peace that I almost can't describe about this adoption, including the wait. It's a peace that I haven't felt for a long time, probably since before we started paperchasing. It comes at a good time-Monday will mark 2 years since our dossier was logged into China and I've been worried that it would be a particularly tough day.

For much of the past two years, I have been anxious, angry, and frustrated with the adoption process. If patience was something that you could buy from a store, I would have emptied my pockets. I am a person who likes to get things done. If there are obstacles, I like to find ways around them. However, getting Meili home sooner than later is a problem I can't solve. I think that subconsciously I really thought that if I just did the secret pal swaps, bought the furniture, filled the closet, read the books, finished the 100 good wishes quilt, revised packing lists, etc. like a good pre-adoptive parent, that it would somehow bring us closer to meeting our daughter. I was emotionally spinning my wheels and it was exhausting.

And that's why the peace I feel is such a welcome change. I know that we have a daughter waiting for us in China. I've known that for a very long time. I know that the timeframe is out of my control and I'm ok with that. I guess that is what faith is...