I Heart my Husband

I love my husband every day but I'm especially grateful for him this morning. It's not because he loves me unconditionally and is a wonderful and patient father. And it's not because he works 60 hours a week saving the world one package at a time to support our family...

It's because there was a gecko loose in my kitchen last night and he caught it and took it outside for me. I'm a lucky girl.

30 Months LID and Another Meili Dream

Today marks 2 1/2 years since China received our paperwork and the wait officially began.

If you saw the post before last, you know that last Friday was a rough milestone for me. I was glad to spend the early part of that day at the temple with my husband on our way to Sedona. The peace and the quiet of the temple always pushes my reset button and I'm able to focus more clearly on what is important in the big scheme of things. I thought alot about Meili that day.

That night, I had another dream about her. It seemed freakishly real. I didn't get to see her very well but I held her. She was really warm and I could feel the size and weight of her little head as it rested on my shoulder. I could feel that she had some hair but not much.

In the dream, I came into a large white room. It reminded me of a school cafeteria, but bare. In the room were a bunch of children. They were different ages but all of them had dark hair and appeared to be Asian. I was eager to interact with them and did, even held a few for a few moments before moving on to the next. Then, I came to a baby and picked her up. Unlike the others that I had held, she rested her head on my shoulder and settled in. It was like a piece of a puzzle had been found and I knew that she was my daughter. I also knew that there was little I could do about it but I searched the room anyway for someone to talk to.

I found a man sitting at a small desk and asked him if he was the orphanage director (which was weird because he was white and spoke perfect English.) He said, 'No, I'm the secretary.' (?) I asked if the baby had been sick since she was so warm. He said that she had had a cold, but nothing serious. I told him that I had been waiting for my daughter from China and that I had a log in date but it wasn't our turn yet. Even so, I told him that I was pretty certain that the baby in my arms was my daughter. He looked at me, then checked the papers on his clipboard and said, 'Yes, she's your daughter. It isn't time yet but she is yours.'

It's too bad that I woke up before I could ask when it finally would be time but I like the idea that Meili exists somewhere and that she is already mine...

Sedona Getaway

Matt and I just returned from Sedona yesterday where we spent 2 1/4 days attending his cousin, Aprille's wedding and celebrating our own 15 year wedding anniversary. It was only the second time that we have taken a trip together without the kiddos in 13 years of parenthood. Needless to say, we had a blast! My only complaint is that we didn't have a couple more days and that we didn't do it sooner! Here are some pics:

THE ROOM-My only request was no southwest decor. I was happy!

I'm too lazy to rotate the pic but Matt says he expects the TP in our bathrooms to be folded like this in the future...

THE REHEARSAL DINNER-The food was amazing but the company was even better. It was great to visit with Matt's family and meet the newest additions, Bryan (Aprille's DH) and Marvi (Josh's DW.) Both of them seem like very kind people with fun personalities. I'm looking forward to getting to know them better!

Here's a pic of the bride and groom-

and Matt and I-

THE PINK JEEP TOUR: I had suggested that we take a hot air balloon ride for our weekend adventure but ultimately let Matt decide and I'm glad that I did. We took a 3 hour jeep tour. It was a combo off road/scenic tour. By the end, I think my internal organs were rearranged and I was in need of a chiropractor but it was a blast! I see now why my brother is into off-roading with his Jeep!

Ignore me-look at the pretty rock formations...

Yep, we came down that in a jeep!

After the jeep adventure, we met up with Bill and Debbie (Matt's parents) and Todd (Matt's brother) and John (Matt's uncle) and went through some art galleries. Here's Debbie trying out one of the rock chairs.

THE WEDDING PREPARATIONS-We checked in with Aprille after lunch to see how she was doing. She was cool as a cucumber and looked beautiful with her hair done!

THE WEDDING- Here's Josh and his new bride, Marvi. She's a sweetheart (and they have a bun in the oven!)

Here's Bryan and Aprille. The ceremony was beautiful and educational. We had never attended a Jewish wedding before but the wedding program explained the significance of each of the parts. I really liked the 'sand ceremony.'

THE RECEPTION-

Debbie and Bill-

And Todd-If you are planning a special event, he'd love to come and fold fancy napkins for you...;o)

HEADING HOME-On Sunday morning, after a sunrise walk and soak in the jacuzzi, we bid a sad farewell to our lovely accomodations and headed home. The last time we went away was for our 10th anniversary to NYC. Our goal used to be to take a trip together every 5 years. After this trip, I think an annual trip is in order!

3 Years

Yep, this is another whining post about the adoption wait so if you aren't into it you have my permission to move on...

I've known for a while that the month of September would be a rough one for me. I feel like once I get through this month, I'll be okay. But for now, it's tough for a couple of reasons.

First, today marks 3 years since we sent our application to our agency and officially began the paperchase. 3 YEARS PEOPLE!!! This is just incomprehensible to me and beyond ridiculous in so many ways. Never in a million years would I guess that the adoption would take this long and be such a difficult and emotional process. When you start an adoption thinking that it will take about a year from start to finish and then find yourself without your child three years later, you start to question not only when but IF it will happen. It's just tough.

Second, Xander (our youngest) turns five in a couple of weeks. I'm sensitive to the fact that some waiting families have no children or have a youngest child who is much older than five-I really am. At the same time, for me this is huge. In my 13 years of parenthood, I've always thought that when your youngest child turns five, it marks a huge turning point in your life. If I meet a family with x number of children and the youngest is 5+, I assume that the family is done having children. (Keep in mind, I also thought that 30 was old at one point in my life. I'm not saying I'm right, just giving you some history here.) So, here I am facing the point in my life when I thought I'd be ecstatic about being able to do all of the things that you can't do when you have young children to care for (like read for pleasure, bathe regularly, etc.) I admit that looking forward to this day got me through some of the rough, sleep-deprived and up to my elbows in poop and vomit days of early motherhood. So, the thing that is hard to reconcile in my mind right now is that the coveted day is about to finally arrive and I don't want it. I just want my daughter-sleepless nights, poop, vomit and all.

When I meet with parents for post placement visits and ask them about the challenges they have faced since coming home with their children, I'm often told about how uncomfortable the parents feel when people they know well and people on the street tell them how lucky their child is to have them. They are often not sure about what to say in response. If I ever receive a comment like this once Meili is home, I'll remember the way I feel today and tell them that they are just plain wrong. The truth is that I need Meili much more than she needs me.

Happy Day

Last month's sorry news from CCAA sent me searching for burritos. This month, they managed to match 9 days worth of LIDs. We know that 5 of those days had no real LIDs due to Chinese New Year closures in '06 but the fact that we now only have 29 LIDs ahead of us in line (and about 920 behind us to put it in perspective) sent me on a celebratory shopping spree. I've had my eye on this for months and finally added it to Meili's collection:

So, if the CCAA manages to get through an average of 5 LIDs per month, we could see a referral in March of '09. That's just 6 months away. I think I can do that!

Referrals were received by families logged from Feb 1st-Feb 9th, 2006. That included Erin, Bob and Mollianne! Meisey is such a cutie! We are thrilled for them and wish them safe and speedy travels!!!

A New Frontier

Matt and I have been parents for quite a while...

Today we have officially entered into a new realm:

We are the parents of a TEENAGER!!!

There are 13 candles on Taylor's pumpkin pie this year!

But he's still his mama's boy!

We love you, Taylor, and we are so proud to be your parents (even though today you are making us feel pretty darn old.) Happy Birthday!

A Special Day with a Special Boy

Today, I had a home study appointment with a family that lives on a farm about 2 hours away. I thought the 4 hour drive would be a good opportunity to spend some one on one time with a kiddo so with the family's permission, I brought Noah along. He had a great time with the family's two sons who played with him on a tractor tire swing, in the dirt with army guys and showed him around the farm while I interviewed the parents. Noah came home asking for a mule!

After the hs interview, I took Noah to an orchard to pick apples. Noah took the job quite seriously as you can see. He picked out the perfect tool for the job and searched the orchard for the perfect fruit on the perfect tree. Then, he weighed the fruit, payed for it and loaded it into the car. He has big plans to make caramel apples for the whole family.

Noah is such a smart, sensitive, kind-hearted and funny little guy. He's going to grow up to be quite a man someday.

But I'm not in a hurry for that. I'm enjoying every minute that I can with my favorite seven year-old boy!

The Siblings are Waiting too...

Since we started paperchasing in September of '05, this is the 4th school year now that we have been talking about and waiting for Meili. The last two years, the kids came home from their first days back at school reporting that they had received lots of questions about Meili and when she would finally be coming home from teachers and classmates. I was just thinking last week that the kids hadn't talked about being asked lots of questions yet this year when Audrey came home from school with a story that made me want to laugh and cry at the same time-

There is a little girl (1st grader but the size of a preschooler) from the Philippines that rides the bus with Audrey. This little girl has attached herself to Audrey-sits by her on the bus to and from school, asks Audrey to walk her to her class, and holds her hand as they walk. Audrey just loves it.

Apparently, one day last week on their walk from the bus to the little girl's class, Audrey was stopped by 6 different adults at 6 different points along the way who accosted her with congratulations on FINALLY BRINGING HER LITTLE SISTER HOME FROM CHINA!!! Poor Audrey didn't know what to say and the little girl must have thought the world had gone mad thinking she was the sister of this blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl. It was very sweet, though, for her former teachers and aides to show such enthusiasm.

Audrey had a good laugh when telling the story but I could tell that she was sad to still be waiting for a little sister after all of this time. There have been lots of questions that begin with 'when' and 'why' in our house this week and when her three brothers are getting on her nerves, Audrey will look at me with very sad eyes and say, "When am I going to have a little sister?"

I spend a lot of time putting my own feelings about the wait in check (primarily by griping about it on this blog.) So, this was a good reminder that I need to remember that the kids are waiting too. When she finally does come home, Meili is going to be one lucky little girl to have 4 older siblings who have been making room for her in their lives and in their hearts for such a long time.

New Blog Theme Song...

We are loving our new look-thanks to Danielle! Check out her site if you're ready for a makeover-she's wonderful to work with!

It was time for a new song to go with our new look. It's fairly appropriate that for our family a song by an AI winner would sum up where we are at in this adoption process right now. Some of the words fit all too well...

One Step at a Time by Jordin Sparks

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming

Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient-waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love

It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, and you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming

Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient-waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
(when you need to find the strength)
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way we get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]

Look who's 35!!!

My dear husband turned 35 today. We celebrated a day early with bowling (He skunked us!)and a trip to our traditional burger and ice cream shop.


On Sunday, the official b-day, Matt was up to his eyeballs in church meetings so we squeezed in his favorite dinner (chimichangas) and favorite dessert (lemon ice box pie.)
Happy birthday sweetheart! We love you!!!

Trip to Urgent Care

In preparation for our Olympic festivities last week, I had tucked a plate rack on the floor behind the desk in the office to make room for food on the kitchen counter. I never guessed that my 'hide your extra kitchen crap' place and Noah's perfect hide-and-seek hiding place were one and the same. The result was a one inch cut that wouldn't stop bleeding or stay shut with a butterfly bandage. These things only seem to happen on evenings or on weekends so off to Urgent Care we went.

Here he is sporting his new bracelet:

And feeling pretty brave before he learned that needles would be involved...
He should have had two stitches but the doctor was lucky to get the one in with the fit he threw.
We were supposed to return to the dr. in 10 days to have the stitch removed but mysteriously, it disappeared the next day. Not sure what happened there but it stayed shut so we're not complaining!

Xander's First Day of Preschool

I sent my littlest guy off to 'big boy preschool' this morning.

He is so excited to be in the same class as his buddy, Evan.

He came home reporting that preschool was 'awesome and amazing.' He's going to do great!

29th LIDversary

Referrals this month went through January 31st, 2006. That leaves 38 LIDs ahead of ours. Back in the day, that would have been something to do backflips about but today I think I'm going to have to officially let my dream of a December referral go. I'm thinking March is more likely if current trends hold.

08-08-08 Was Great!!!

The Opening Ceremonies last night were amazing! I'm going to have to go back and watch it again to figure out how they did half of what was done last night. I thought that the huge LCD screen was really cool and the martial artists moved in such unison that they looked like they were CGI's. I really feel sorry for the country that has to try to top that next time. I don't think it can be done!

We had so much fun last night and feel very blessed to have such wonderful friends! When the last of them left last night, I couldn't believe that it was almost 11:30!!! I guess time really does fly when you are having fun! Here are the pics as promised!

Kid Table #1

Kid Table #2

Poor Noah fell asleep about 30 minutes into the evening (shortly after this photo was snapped.) The first week of school must have been catching up with him. First words out of his mouth this morning were, 'That stinks!!!' He was so upset that his friends were over and he basically slept through it!

Our March LID buddies-Shannon and Doug. Check out their blog for more pics of the festivities.

Lisa-China Adoption buddy and soon to be Kazakhstan Momma!

Ed (aka 'fit olympic man') and Keira (who promises to start a blog soon!)

Mark and Heather-We are going to sucker these guys into coming back to Mandarin class next session...

I usually prefer to hide behind the camera but thought there ought to be proof that we attended also...

Linda and Rich-Our wonderful neighbors and parents of Audrey's BFF, Brenna

Audrey was so happy to have Brenna here to offset the testosterone!